Month: September 2019

Separation Anxiety And Our Eternal Bonds

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Q: I’ve had the question for some time now about the connection I have with my husband. It’s getting deeper the longer we’re together. Then I ask myself: “What happens when we’ve been together for forty years, sharing everything, melting together? What happens when one of us dies?” I can’t let go of this thought.  I know there’s a bond between us but some parts of me just see a black hole.

John: It’s not real.

Q: I see all these traumas in the world around death and how people are when someone close dies. I seem to believe it’s hard to stay connected when someone leaves the world and the other is still here.

John: It’s all about the bond. It’s the two of you being in the bond that is there that makes your relationship real. The bond is incorruptible. Once opened, it never ends. If he dies, the bond is as there as it is there when you’re lying down beside him, when you can see him. When you are warmed within, together, that warmth is the movement of the bond in your self. 

Q: I also have the question the other way around. If I were dying, I might I have a hard time letting go because I would be feeling I had to let go of him.

John: When you go to sleep together in the bond, as you’re falling asleep, the relationship passes away and the bond delivers you into your sleep. When you lie down to go to sleep you’re not afraid of losing him.

Q: I know, but I think that we will be together in the morning; we will wake up. Yet I can’t know this.

John: That’s what you believe.  You have no assurance of that.

You’re fabricating an anxiety. The more that you move in that anxiety, the more form you give to a belief of yours, and that belief formed will push that anxiety. It will feed it back to you. You’ve trained it that way. 

Goodness that has no opposite is never going to end. The connection of being between the two of you is all goodness. Rest in it. Relate to no thought or feeling that is competitive. As you give to those thoughts and feelings they contribute to wound your self and the relationship.

Q: I don’t understand that. Can you say it in different words?

John: Your anxious thoughts and feelings serve to wound your self and to wound the relationship. You don’t need them. Let the bond that is there tell you what’s real. Believe what you directly know within the bond instead of believing what you think and feel that separate your self from that bond. 

Q: Thank you. It’s good to hear.

John: If one of you flies somewhere and you’re separated for some time, instead of entering separation anxiety, having such thoughts that this could be the last time that you see him …

Q: How do you know that? It has just been like this!

… instead of being anxious in seeing him go, enjoy him from within the bond as you’re physically separated, and the whole time when you’re not together, enjoy him. 

At any point in your life, should you find out that he’s died, keep enjoying him. Instead of relating to what is gone, relate to what is really there. The bond is there. 

The bond is the real connectivity. Enjoy him in that connectivity. From within that connectivity there is no dying. Separation isn’t possible. 

Empower no thoughts or feelings that compete with that.

 

Nurturing Your Child’s Goldenness

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Q: My question is to do with my daughter. Sometimes I think I’m too judgmental and don’t accept her personality. I’m always thinking about what others think of her, wanting her to be a certain way. It’s hard for me to accept that she has her own way and personality. I love her very much but don’t know how to deal with my feelings – or her, sometimes.

John: Everything that you feel about her that is nurturing, every feeling you have for her that touches your heart, say to her without adding anything else to it, so when you start to speak, that’s not a reason for you to say everything else that you think and feel. Say only what you feel in you toward her that’s nurturing. 

As soon as you’ve said it, say no more and just enjoy her. Anything that you feel that’s negative is yours. It has nothing to do with her. You leave her out of it, so it doesn’t matter what you feel that’s negative toward her; you’ll deeply, quietly within not say it. And again, enjoy her.

Q: I will do that, and I sometimes do, but I feel I have to be in control of her way of being in this world. I’m used to feeling that I need to have control in my life, but now that I’m a mother I feel it 100% of the time and it’s exhausting.

John: That’s good. Your control in your life is not making you golden. Your control in her life is not going to make her golden.  What makes her live from the inside out in her life are not your instructions. What makes her live from the inside out into her life is that she knows the goldenness – that she knows the goldenness within. 

Q: But how can I get rid of the feeling of needing to have control?

John: By you, in openness and softness of heart, giving no voice and no movement to the feeling of control in you. You not only don’t give it voice and movement on the outside, but you also give it no voice and no movement on the inside. So you don’t speak with it, you don’t listen to it, you don’t argue with it. You don’t represent it in any way. All of your energy goes right into what you love within.

That’s what has your voice and your movement: that you are into your love instead of being into what bothers yourself.

Q: Thank you.

 

Your Soul’s Evolution: The Opportunity Of This Life

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Q: You speak of the evolution of the soul and the opportunity of this life, and I want my soul to evolve if that’s why we’re here. Can you, first, remind me of the connection between the soul and the being? 

John: Both are unseen forms. Your being comprises form, multi-levelled form of true movement of you: of forms of love. 

Q: So the being doesn’t need to evolve? 

John: It doesn’t need to evolve, doesn’t need to develop. It just needs to be unconditionally free to move anywhere in your self without you having any ‘no-go’ zones. 

Anywhere that you let your being freely move, you empower what you are as a being and your being will then master and control your self. The development is in your self; your self developing because of how your being moves in it and moves it, so it’s a clean development of your self. 

Q: And the soul is? 

John: Your soul is your unseen level of form. It’s the form of your evolution, your development as awareness. It is nothing to do with the development of your being or your self. 

The only way that you, awareness, develop is when you’re being what you know, particularly in difficulty in your self. So there’s no greater opportunity or context for the development of you, awareness, than when you are in your self, in your body. 

As soon as you separate from what you know because of pressure or difficulty – positive or negative – you’re not evolving as awareness: as awareness you’re stagnating. But as you evolve as awareness because of being what you know – you being oneness in the midst of difficulty – you get to know what you really are in all of its regions, and in them you’re developing. 

The form of that development is your soul, and that form is of greater value than the forms of your self. It’s of greater value than the form of your heart and it’s of greater value than all of the forms of your being. It’s a level of form of yours that matters more than all others. That form, and its well being, is dependent only on you, awareness, being what you know. It doesn’t need anything else. It doesn’t hinge on anything else. 

Q: That’s very straightforward. I can do that as long as I don’t think about it too much. 

John: And your soul is difficult to see because it’s evenly distributed within all of your forms. It is as present anywhere in your self as it is everywhere in your being, so you don’t have its contrast enabling you to see it. But after you’ve died, it is the form of yours that is more visible than all others. When you meet someone it is what is first seen. After you’ve died it is your most prominent form.

It reveals every micro-choice of yours that you’ve made as awareness in relationship to knowing. It reveals your actual story. It’s not a personal story. It reveals everywhere you’ve been within your micro-choices as awareness:  not as a person, not as a self; just as awareness. It shows where you’ve opened and where you’ve closed. 

Q: So that’s why letting awareness open everywhere is so important?

John: Your greatest opportunity for your evolution as awareness, your greatest soul opportunity, is that of being in a body with an incomplete, imperfect self, full of difficulty and pressure. And in all of that, quietly not separating; being what you really are in all of that. 

It’s what you are in a body for. It’s what you are in your self for. It’s what your life is for. 

On Alzheimer’s and Being Together

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Questioners at two different meetings ask John about being with a loved one who is in mental decline. What’s happening, and how can we still meet and be together?

November 5, 2015 New York USA

Q: My father died of Alzheimer’s. There was a beautiful simplicity in our relationship towards the end, but where he was going, why and how were all confusing to me. Could you address mental decline and this journey towards being? He had no sense of being or meaning; he just melted away and it seemed so inhuman.

John: When you degenerate from within your own brain, you don’t degenerate, but you lose your capacity to communicate and to function. What really becomes manifest in you as awareness when you degenerate from within your brain or your body is your orientation as awareness. What becomes manifest is what you’re being. 

When someone’s in that kind of decline, all of the coverings are removed and you see what’s really there of what they have been and what they are being.

Q: It’s true: we did have some amazing being-to-being communication. As I get older, the thought of ‘losing it’ scares me too, so it’s comforting to remember this. Thank you.

John: When someone degenerates in their mental capacity there’s going to be either a softening or a hardening. Whichever way awareness is actually moving is going to really show, because the capacity to cover what’s there is removed. 

In that way, it’s also similar to returning to being like a very small child. When there’s a hardening within a very small child, there isn’t anything that covers it. It comes straight out as it is, and when there’s a softening there isn’t anything that covers it. The beauty of it, the delicacy of it, comes straight out as it is.

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June 1, 2019 Moen, Denmark 

Q:  My mother has Alzheimer’s and in many ways is ‘gone’ into her world. My dad is taking care of her. I’m soon going to visit them for a while. Apart from really enjoying being with them, is there anything else I need to do while I’m with them?

John: While you’re with her, leave alone being her daughter. She keeps forgetting. Instead, go right into being her love. She’ll relate to that without any need of memory.

Q: My father is very shy. He’s a really good man and it’s a little difficult just to relate on a deeper level with him. I’m guessing it’s just okay to be with him as is. Do you have any other recommendations?

John: Be with him as is but don’t relate to him as is. Relate to him directly, despite what is. Enjoy being with him regardless of what his self is like, so you’re seeing right through everything into the real, and that’s all you’re relating to. You’re enjoying the real.

It’s like enjoying being with someone without any mind to the clothing they wear. It doesn’t matter what they wear: you’re not distracted by this kind of clothing or that kind of clothing.

 

 

 

 

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