Month: February 2020

How Can I Be A Real Mother To My Baby?

by

Q: Since my baby was conceived I’ve seen how grounded my self is in certain beliefs. I’ve moved into what opening and softening really is in connection to the baby, and it’s something very different. What does it truly mean to be a mother in relation to the beingness of the baby?

John: Being a mother is a role of yours, and the real relationship isn’t first that of a mother and a baby, or a mother and a child. The real relationship is directly within the bond that’s there: how the two of you directly connect as beings.  

Q: There are moments when that seems to be happening, but my mind wants to know how to do it.

John: You don’t need to understand how because you know; you know the deeper reality of it.  It doesn’t come from an understanding, and understanding it doesn’t put you into it. What puts you into that deeper reality is that you respond to it. 

As the two of you relate directly through the bond, you are in a fundamental level of communication – the one that matters the most.  If you compromise that for anything in your role, in how you relate as a mother, you separate from that real connectivity and the depth of real parenting is compromised.  

Real parenting is you remaining within the connectivity of the bond, a deeper level of reality between the two of you.  As you’re being that together, your child grows up being that in the midst of everything, and that ‘everything’ matters less than being the connectivity. It enables thriving as a being in the midst of every kind of development, in the midst of any kind of gain or loss: a knowing child, being reality. 

As a mother, you are a most delicate custodian of this.  Everything that you do as a mother is first dependent on this.  

Q:  It’s as though the baby is a doorway into the deep.

John: Directly reflecting to you what real depth of parenting is: that you live being the doorway to the deep. That’s what your child, growing up, lives having in you. Turn into what you know and see in your baby, and you’ll manifest that depth of parenting. 

Real parenting is you guiding a being within its development, in its body, its self, and as a person. You’re guiding not first a child, but a being as it comes into all of its forms: a being child, growing up listening to your words because of what you are being in your words. Then, as soon as you speak, the real bond is moving. 

The child grows up as a being, comprehending through its forms what is unseen within everything that is seen.  

 

Beyond Worry And Fear: At Home In A Bombing Zone

by

Q: I have a hard time relaxing. Lately, we’ve been living in a combat zone near the Gaza strip and we have a lot of bombing days. Recently there was bombing in the night, with rockets falling from both sides. That night I tried to relax and also asked for your help. After some hours I suddenly felt clarity, as if I was leaving my body. I could see it from above. I could see the neighbourhood and the fighting from both sides. When bombing begins I’m usually so involved in knowing where to run, calculating where bombs will fall, how much time I have, where the nearest shelter is … but something changed last time. Would you speak to that?

John: You became settled deeper within. You went into a deeper level which gave you access to a much higher level of seeing. So you came into a natural perspective that wasn’t based on your experience of your self and your body. 

You would go through the same thing if you died. If a rocket landed on your body, in that moment you would be out of your body and you would clearly see everything that’s taking place. In all of your seeing, you would be so at home. You wouldn’t see anything wrong with what happened to your body. Only the deeper and the higher remain.

The middle in between is gone, and anything not integrated in your self is gone with it, so there’s no longer the capacity for concern in your self. There’s no longer the possibility of being at odds with the deep. All there is, is you at one with your being and everything you’ve ever known, and from there you get to see the rest of it. You see the more. 

That’s what you get to be by deep, deep, subtle choice while you live, while you’re living in a bombing zone, while you’re living in a self that’s imperfect and full of lack; a self that isn’t all like your being, yet.

Your being – you as a being – gets to live in a bombing zone, and you get to be the door for that, the door for your being to come into all of your self and your life, and to have everything that’s yours.

Q: Can you explain that more?

John: Through your openness, you, as a being, get to live in a bombing zone. For a being it isn’t worrisome. It isn’t a fearful thing. For a being, it is full of inner beingness to be in any kind of zone, and you are the door for your being to come through into your self, into your life, and to have it all. 

Your being gets to recycle your self and everything that’s yours, enabling your being to have form in your self and your life.

 

 

Healing Your Broken Heart

by

Q: Hi, John. This is the first time I’ve met you. I had a very short relationship about one and a half years ago and it’s still very painful. I can’t understand why I can’t let it go. How can I feel that love, happiness and sense of being complete within myself, and not be looking to find it outside? 

John: By being gentled and quieted in your heart in the midst of such pain; by having need of nothing in the midst of such pain. While it seems contrary to the impulse in your self for you to survive, such beingness does reveal the deep in you.

You need the deep in you more than you need to survive. In that, pain will help you. 

 Q: Do I have to know why it is so painful?

John: What matters most is that your heart is opening and softening in the midst of the pain that you’re not understanding. That opens you and brings up the deep from within. You need that for you to really live. 

As you really live in that, you’ll be coming into heart-understanding. You will be coming into the heart-understanding that you didn’t even need, and you’ll have something to give to others. You will have heart gold to give. 

All of the pain isn’t going to hurt you, even though it hurts. If you resist the pain you’ll hurt your self and others. If you open within the pain, you will awaken to that which matters more than the pain, and you will love. 

Live that way, and when you are old you will know that others are better because you have lived. 

 

On Flashbacks And The Healing Of Trauma

by

Q: Some months ago I made a really brave decision and ever since then I’ve felt happy and really powerful. My heart is open most of the time. I feel love and can help a lot of people, but then there is a huge flashback into my childhood and a wave of pain – a lot of pain. I know it’s not the real me and I open to be with it, but I forget everything. Why does it still come? Will it ever go away?

John: When you have a flashback, the pain is the holding that’s there from your past. The holding is put in place by a judgment that you consciously made in your past. You don’t need to remember what that judgment was. What matters is that the judgment is a closing you support with your emotion and your thinking. You set it in your will, which puts it into your body. 

When you go through a fundamental opening, the levels of your body open. That can move a wave of your past right into the present, and there you’re able to be in your past differently.

Q: Can you explain more?

John: When you have a flashback your nervous system flares, which puts you right into the experience of your past. The experience of your past is in your nervous system and it’s in your body.

As your nervous system flares, instead of being with the pain – which is a distraction – it’s all about you opening: not opening to the pain, but you opening because that’s what’s real and true for you. That openness is what you really are.

Without addressing your past as it comes up, without dealing with it, just completely open in it. Open without any view of control, without any view of survival, in the way that you were able to open in the past but didn’t. Wherever you have opened in the past, you have no issue. Your issue with the past is where you closed, so as it comes up again, deeply, quietly open.

When your past comes up and you open in it, all that you are is openness: openness in a way that you’ve never been before. You begin to see differently. You’ll see in your past what you couldn’t see before. As you see differently, love moves into your past and it changes your past.

Your past is fixed only where you closed. As you open in your past, what you’re opening into, without realizing it, is your future self. You’ll enter a level of development in your self that you’ve never been in before. It’s that difference that addresses your nervous system, opens it and heals it.

Q: And when that happens it doesn’t come back again?

John: Your past will keep coming back, but when it comes back, it comes back as love. Then, regardless of what your experience has been in your past, as it comes back you love your past because you see differently in it. You can see, whereas before you couldn’t. You couldn’t see because you closed. 

When your self suffers a trauma and you open in it, love is released into your self despite what’s happening to your self. When you open, everything is helping you. When you open, trauma deeply helps you. It’s difficult to understand until you’ve lived it.

Q: Do you mean it’s helping me to be the person that I want to be? How can it help?

John: When you’re opening in the midst of trauma, the trauma to your self draws up the deep in you. As soon as you’re opening, what you are being is the same as your being.

When a trauma hits your self and you are being the same as your being in the midst of that, much more of your being opens, moves and fills into your traumatized self, and you understand in a way that is contrary to your experience. What you understand is love. What you experience is hurt.

As you open, it’s love that addresses the hurt. As soon as you close, it’s a judgment that addresses the hurt. It’s the judgment that seals in the trauma. It locks it into your body.

 

Subscribe for Updates!

Looking for a transcript of your talk with John? Check out MyTalk​

This site is created and maintained by a team at the College of Integrated Philosophy.

JdR Gems Copyright 2024 © All rights Reserved.