Q: I feel as if I’m in the biggest crisis of my life. I’ve been married for twenty years, and thirty years ago I was in love with a man twenty years older than me. He was married, with children. A few years ago he called me and our love is still there. My husband knows about him. It’s so hard to choose between these two men. I need your help! And recently the word “stay” has been coming to me.
John: Stay in your relationship with your husband. You’re with him. There’s a lot of form that you’ve committed to, that you’ve lived in in being with him, but shift in how you are with him. In what opens in you toward your previous lover, open that way toward your husband.
Q: Are you saying that I should stay with my husband?
John: Yes. Stay with your husband, but you shift inside to be like what you are toward this other man: the way that you open inside, the way that you shift, the way that you change, the way that you blossom inside and start to move toward him. Be that way, shift like that, but toward your husband.
Open and be the way you are toward this other man, but all toward your husband.
Q: I’m not sure I understand.
John: If you were to give a colour of what you are, inside, to your husband – is there a colour?
Q: Yes.
John: You don’t have to say the colour, but you have that colour in mind?
Q: Yes.
John: And the way you are toward this other man, a past lover, is a different colour.
Q: Yes.
John: Okay. Be that colour. Change colours and be that colour to your husband. Stay with your husband and be a completely different colour. It’s quite a change.
The way you are toward this other man, that whole circumstance brings up something very different in your self. It has a greater depth in your self than what you have toward your own husband. The answer isn’t in the other man, but when you think of this other man or when you’re with this other man, you change in your self; you go into a much deeper self.
You don’t need to change your relationship for you to be in that deeper self. Stay in your present relationship and shift into that depth of self that you are with this other man, but turn into that toward your husband.
It isn’t first about the man you’re with. It isn’t really about this other man. It’s that you have depths in your self that you are not living, you are not being. It doesn’t matter what awakens you to that depth: be that depth toward the person that you’re already with. That opens you into a depth within, without changing your relationships.
You believe it’s about the other relationship. It isn’t really about the other man. This other man is a catalyst to a depth in you. Open into that depth and be that depth toward your husband.
Instead of switching men, switch levels in your self. Be that, and sustain that toward your husband.
Don’t make a change from the outside in. Make a change from the inside out. Then it isn’t about which man; it’s about a depth in you that you’re awakening to, and you be that depth toward the man that you’re already with.
There’s a colour to your patterns. There’s a colour inside, in your self, to your patterns. That’s the colour you’re used to in your relationship with your husband. If you were to change relationships and be with this other man, you will turn into a different colour inside because of what is awakened in your self. But you haven’t paid for that colour; you haven’t earned that colour. So for you to be with this other man, you’ll turn into this new colour, this other colour, but it’s only a matter of time.
As you start to be the patterns in your self with this other man, this old colour that you’re used to with your husband is going to come back, and you’ll lose the colour that you had turned into of what you feel like when you are with this other man. So instead of changing men, change colours. Whatever that may cost you, change colours and be this new, deeper colour within. Be that in all of your self toward your husband.
Open to see this, and as you see it then do it. It’s a life change, inside, in how you will be with your husband. Open to that life change, and then as you’re able to see it, then do it.
Q: Thank you.
