Tammy

In The Passageway To A Future Self

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Q: I’d like to talk about flow that is coming out of my head. Am I correct when I say that ability is coming from there?

John: (Nods)

Q: I also told you, a few years ago, that I had these abilities and you said to me “it’s too much for you.” You said it differently, but basically “just keep your hands off,” and so now I’m asking you, am I safe?

John: Yes.

Q: I know new abilities are there, but I don’t know what they are, or how to take care of that, how to be with that?

John: Be in it when it is there and where it is.

Q: You said to me to not not to do anything with it, but just to be aware of that movement, then I’ll be with it. Right?

John: You know what you’re talking about, so it doesn’t matter much how you say it. You’re now in what opened in you years ago.

Q: Because I’m more home?

John: (Nods)

Q: Is there anything that you see that I can still take better care of?

John: Apprehend all that apprehends you.

Q: So in recognizing what’s grows, it has possibility to grow?

John: As you realize newness and newness plugs into you, you plug-in directly to what you’re knowing. Your thinking and your self aren’t big enough for what you’re plugging into. As you plug into what you’re realizing and what you know, you’re going to be moving past your normal thinking. You won’t be relating to your self, which is going to change your self.

Q: Especially my brain, right? My brain needs to be a little bit different, I think.

John: If you’re going to think at all of your self in this, let it not be of your present self but of your future self. In what you’re opening to, your future self is in sight. It is a little bit in view. If you relate to your present self, you can’t see it. While you are in what’s opening in you, think of your future self and you can see it, and that lets your present self be behind you. There’s a passageway between your present self and your future self. Be in that passageway. Live in that passageway.

Q: Is this the passageway?

John: Yes

Q: It’s a little bit like falling into the future.

John: It’s a different level of space and time. It isn’t space and time as you know it in your self. The passageway is a configuration of your deeper levels, with you moving as that configuration. You’re not just in it; you’re moving as it.

Quieted in your Heart in the Midst of the Fire of your Sexuality

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Q: Something that’s been coming up for me recently is my connection with women, and how there’s a fire in some of the connections. I know that fire can be good, but just not letting it overtake me.

John: If you reference your self in it, it will overtake your self. Be quieted in your heart in the midst of that fire, without directing the fire anywhere in your self, without making the fire less or without having any apology for the fire, and it will in time connect directly to your being because of what you’re connecting to in your heart. When you are in it without making reference to your self in it, it purifies your self. It aligns your self to what you’re being in your heart. It aligns your self to your being. Be completely in the energy without you being about that energy. Whatever that energy does in your self, you’re not about that. That makes it safe with you. That makes others safe with you.

On Awareness And Darkness

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Q: I wanted to talk to you about darkness. I’m curious if darkness is included in all of this or if it just lives in the self. We talk about ancient and it feels like darkness is also ancient. Is it something that needs to be moved away from, or it’s included or I should include it?

John: Include the darkness from that within you which has nothing to do with the darkness.

Q: And does the light have more value than darkness, or is it equal and they both live here?

John: They are not in the least equal. Darkness on its own isn’t able to be.

Q: So, darkness wouldn’t be darkness without the presence of light. Is that what you mean?

John: Darkness has no existence without awareness being separate from what it knows.

Q: So there’s no power there.

John: Yes.

Q: I would just give it power.

John: (Nods)

Q: So, any kind of fascination is unnecessary.

John: Any fascination with darkness is you buying into the perceived promise that is in darkness, a promise of power. There is power in darkness, but it isn’t an intrinsic power. It is separation power, power available to you without you having to be one with what you know; illicit power which allures only that which is separate from what it knows.

Q: So, once you said to me that pain takes me deeper than love does. Is that connected to this? Or do I use that?

John: Darkness is welcome in oneness, not because of what darkness is, but because there is separate awareness within the darkness. The darkness is welcome because of the awareness that is in it. Awareness, moving by way of darkness brought into oneness, is brought into what it knows and there it’s able to absolutely rest.

Q: So it is a pathway in? All my life, I’ve just been on this kind of intense journey of purifying darkness, and last week I had a brief, unusual encounter with my father that reminded me how the dark lives in me. So that’s kind of why I’m talking about it with you.

John: Darkness isn’t always going to be.

Q: Are you saying that eventually the darkness will be no longer?

John: In time, beyond time as you know it, yes.

Q: Is it more important to be with that than anything else?

John: Putting you in response to all there really is: what you know, which is what produces light.

Love is Unaccomplished

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Q: It’s not easy for me to be here, even though I have a deeper knowing to be here. I see the amazing effect that it has on my connection with my wife. I see what you do, direct and indirect, and still for me it’s totally not about you. You’re just sitting in front of the portal. My goal is to walk innocent as a baby, as I am, in the vast,  but what’s the point for me to be here right now?

John: Because you knew.

Q: I know you many years. What’s going on here John? What’s the point?

John: Like you said, it’s about what I’m doing directly and indirectly, of which some of the effects you’ve already realized.

Q: You once said that most of what you know and see you will take to the grave. It cracked me to hear that. It was painful. You said it’s not because it’s only irrelevant. It’s also because we’re not ready to hear it, and the pain came from that, feeling untrustworthy by you as an individual and also as a group here, together as one. For me it was like a breach of contract, you telling me I come to you like this (opens palm). It broke my heart.

John: I give everything that reaches. Whatever I give that doesn’t reach, distracts. That’s not a breach; that’s a bridge.

Q: John, I recognize in you that I have never seen such integration between self and being. Is it something that you can share? I know…I don’t know how to say it. I see so much pain in this room, in the eyes.

John: Pain is not enduring. The littlest bit that you know surpasses all, live in. It’s what forms your bond with everything and everyone. Pain refers to your self, while love refers to your heart.

Q: I never hear you speaking about freedom. Does freedom exist?

John: If you’re free of it, yes. All of your self. You being free of your self isn’t it. You, coming from your being in the midst of the self you have, is it. That is a freedom from your self that is of a different kind than how you relate to freedom in your self. You don’t need to be free of your self. That gives undue importance to your self. For you to enter your own being, you love.

Q: So freedom does not exist? Only love exists?

John: At the core, yes.

Q: Can you tell me what love is?

John: Openness of heart without an object, softness of heart without a reason. Put love in pain and it thrives. Put love in a corrupted past and it thrives. Love won’t reference what it is put in. Love is free of everything, enabling it to be in everything.

Q: Is any action needed to perceive love?

John: If openness and softness is an action, yes. Otherwise, no.

Q: So who is the one who is open and soft?

John: You are not a ‘who’.

Q: Again?

John: At your very core, you are meaning, and when that moves, you are love.

Q: When meaning moves, the core is love?

John: When meaning moves, it’s love.

Q: What do you mean by saying ‘meaning’?

John: The reason that you’re able to relate to the meaning of something on any level is because you are meaning. You don’t need to acquire meaning for you to be meaning.

Q: How can the meaning move?

John: As soon as it knows. The beingness of what meaning knows is love.

Q: How does ‘the I’ fit into that?

John: Essence of the ‘I’ is meaning aware. Essence of the ‘me’ is meaning moving. The ‘me’ is dependent on the ‘I’. The ‘I’ isn’t dependent on the ‘me’.

Q: This is the integration?

John: Integration is in reference to meaning having a self, and being meaning in all of it. A meaning-filled self that moves by love is the integration of the self. There isn’t anything that can hinder that.

Q: So the integration is natural movement?

John: Yes.

Q: So, if integration is a natural movement, no reason for me to interfere for it to happen. Only stay open and soft?

John: Openness and softness is natural to your heart.

Q: So, this does not need any interference.

John: That’s right.

Q: So my tendency to interfere, it comes from fear?

John: It comes from you not being what you really are. It comes from you pursuing meaning instead of being meaning.

Q: So, should I just stop?

John: At the core, stopping is too much.

Q: So, not even stop.

John: At the core, yes. When the scale of doing is at zero concerning being, you’re home. Doing to be has no real existence. When you are not doing to be, you are love. Love is unaccomplished.

Innocence Remains In Compression

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Q: As I study counselling and read various theories on child development, I almost see that nature hardwires the bodymind for survival and it seems that what we really are is so opposite, that from the very beginning, nature is encouraging us to distort, and I wonder why.

John: It encourages distortion when you leave your heart. It encourages what you know in your heart when you stay in your heart.

Q: So all these theories and this particular way of seeing things, does that just come from people not seeing the whole picture?

John: Yes.

Q: That’s a relief.

John: If a child is born into an unfortunate environment for the development of a self, that compression translates directly into the awareness within the self. When awareness remains at home within the compression, awareness evolves. If it remains in its innocence in the midst of that kind of compression, the awareness that is present in that child will evolve in a most uncommon way. It can thrive in its evolution, even in horrifying circumstances. That real compression on the self cannot separate awareness from what it knows and from what it really is.

Q: It doesn’t happen very often though, does it, that it doesn’t distort?

John: If it doesn’t distort, it can come into its own evolution in a short period of time. The greater the compression, the less time it takes.

Q: So I wonder what would a true kind of counsellor look like?

John: From any counsellor who has first returned to innocence it won’t require any study, but getting back to your studying and your prospective career, your work, it doesn’t really matter much what you do.

Q: It’s how you’re being with the people, isn’t it? Being unconditional.

John: Even more basic than that, it’s how you are being with what you know. It is only from within that that everything else that does matter can beautifully come into place.

Freeing Energy for the Whole of You

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Q: There is a very tiny movement of hesitation or doubt which immediately stops the movement of going deeper.

John: Your use of it prevents you. If doubt didn’t serve you at all, you wouldn’t have it. Doubt doesn’t honestly serve you.

Q: There’s very little though, and the joy this all brings is great. It shows me a lot but it’s a very tiny doubt. What purpose does it have?

John: It saves you.

Q: It comes up the same time the joy comes up. The joy is tremendous.

John: That little touch of doubt saves you from completely disappearing into what you know.

Q: The moment you say this, I know it is absolutely true. Is that fear?

John: When you are profoundly honest, you not only have no fear, you can’t even relate to fear.

Q: But something so little can be so powerful in comparison. The doubt has a voice. Sometimes it says, ‘are you worth this?’

John: That’s silly. The last one percent that isn’t surrendered to what you know, anything that the last one percent can say is silly.

Q: In comparison to the other, you’re absolutely right. So it’s the amount of attention that it gets.

John: When you surrender, completely surrender the last one percent, that doesn’t make a one percent difference. It makes about a ninety percent difference. What is condensed within that last one percent is enormous. It’s when you are in the last one percent facing complete surrender, it’s there that you’re facing everything. When you surrendered ninety percent, there’s a great deal of comfort that’s left over. Ten percent to play with is a lot. When you’re down to one percent, there’s only a tiny little bit that’s left over and in that tiny little bit everything has been invested. The let-go of the last little bit is the biggest because in that there is no return.

Q: That is absolutely right. I think that’s the greatest fear, what you’re speaking now about. Yes. There’s no return. Yes. This feels very solid.

John: With ninety nine percent surrender to your heart, to what you know in your heart, to your being, you only need a small fraction of the use of your brain. When you surrender that last percent, you are in great need of the more of your own brain.

Q: How do I mobilize that?

John: By you directly living in what you know is the more of you. That comes through that last percent. With one hundred percent surrender, you no longer have loyalty to familiarity. Familiarity is then no longer your safety. When there is one hundred percent surrender, knowing is your safety. As soon as you know, you’re in. Within any tiny awakening to knowing even a tiny little bit more, it doesn’t matter then what you know, how foreign what you newly know is to your self, the moment you know, you’re gone. You’re completely gone in. With one hundred percent surrender, it is true, even in all of your experience, that there isn’t anything that is in the way.

Q: I find my self looking for some sort of safe space.

John: Safe is real only because of the truth. It exists purely and only in the truth. It only really exists in what you know. It is absolutely safe for what you are to be one with all you know. one percent separation from that isn’t safe. For oneness everything is safe. It’s profoundly safe to live and it is as safe to die.

Q: I have done a lot to not do both. I feel a little bit holding back. This is a huge compression I experience.

John: You don’t need it after you’ve died. After you’ve died, it won’t exist. It doesn’t help you live.

Q: You said it doesn’t help you to live? So, dying is now.

John: Any part of you that isn’t surrendered to what you know will be gone after you’ve died and, while you live, whatever part isn’t surrendered doesn’t help you live. It introduces only an illusory complication. Any way that you try to deal with it fuels the illusion. All of the energy of that, all of the energy that is used in that, belongs to oneness moving in form. Its movement in form isn’t possible without that one percent. With as little as one percent not completely given over to what you know, you are not one. The difference that that one percent makes is enormous. It accomplishes as a self-created trip hazard.

Q: A self-created what?

John: Trip hazard. It’s like a little half-inch difference in the floor; you’ll catch it every time and as awareness you’re genius enough to be able to move that half inch difference to wherever you need it most. As soon as you are really onto what you know, you get that half-inch little difference in your floor to come up and save you from being completely absorbed in what you know. It will keep you from being gone.

Q: This keeping me from being gone, this ‘being gone’ gives me impressions like completely getting lost in things I do not know or want, as if my life turns completely upside down and I’m going to do things I’ll maybe regret…I don’t know.

John: You just made that up. In surrender you don’t lose control; you gain control. What you are gains complete control of everything that’s yours. You come into real control of your self. You won’t be using your self to trip you anymore. You don’t lose facility in your self. You come into new ability in your self, so much more that your brain will open. You’ll need more of your brain than ever before. When you’re in the more of you, the more of your brain opens. Your brain opens as you do. Everything that is real exists by openness.

Q: So, when there is doubt coming up, I leave it there.

John: When it comes down to the last little bit of doubt in relationship to what you know, anything that you give it is too much. It’s not real. When it comes down to that last little bit that’s left over, you won’t be leaving it alone. There isn’t anything there that’s real to even leave alone. The energy that is in the doubt is simply and beautifully given to what you know. It isn’t taken from the doubt and given to what you know. It is simply available energy within the packaging of doubt. The packaging doesn’t belong to anything. The energy that’s in it belongs to what you know. That last little bit, in its return to oneness, doesn’t turn away from anything. It doesn’t turn away from doubt or fear. It simply and beautifully turns to what it knows. All that there is, is what it knows. There’s no effort in the return. There is love in the return. Where there is in awareness core-splitting honesty, you are incapable of doubting or fearing what you know. Where there is core-splitting honesty, what you are is pure response, pure response as awareness to what you know. The movement of that response is love.

Being Without Time And Certainty

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Q: What came to me was that in being there is no time in the way that we know it, and somehow that’s related to what you said about the illusion of certainty. I know, somewhere, that has to do with having a real relationship with time. Is it also to do with the illusion around what death is? It’s like when you said to me in the informal meeting that in any relating to a filter or a boundary, there’s time. Did you mean that’s part of the whole illusion of what time is? And somehow, when we’re being here, there’s also no time. Can you say what you meant by the illusion of certainty?

John: Certainty makes much of your self. Relating to certainty comes from your self. As you relate to certainty, that relating eclipses knowing.

Q: Is that a certainty around any conclusion at all, related to any filter or any boundary?

John: Relating to certainty makes your self more than what you know. Certainty in any regard exists because of the reality that precedes certainty.

Q: That would be a make-up that’s been made in the self and conclusions made in the self?

John: Where something is made up, yes. But even where it’s not made up, it is illusory because it then eclipses what it is dependent on. You don’t need certainty for you to know.

Q: You only need response.

John: You don’t need certainty for you to be in what you know.

Q: It seems to me you don’t need certainty at all in this because it changes all the time, and certainty would be a block to responding, an element of control.

John: When the need for any certainty is gone, awareness is relaxed.

Q: And in any relating to filters and boundaries there’s time? So, if there’s no filters and boundaries, there’s no time, there’s just being?

John: When your being is in time, it doesn’t engage certainty. It isn’t dependent on it.

Into the Chrysalis

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Q: When I checked the conversation I had with you last, you were always encouraging me to go deeper and I was always resisting, saying some excuse. Before, I never had this kind of attitude toward truth. I had an uncompromising attitude toward truth. My priority in my life was truth and nothing else. But since I obtained complete surrender with you in the summer seminar, I got very satisfied and happy, and the seeker in me disappeared, but I started to develop some kind of fear. I think it’s based on misunderstanding, like, if I go more deeper I might want to get sucked into some kind of black hole and disappear completely.

John: That’s not good?

Q: I shared with you in the café that 95% of the time I was in the greater reality, and only 5% I was in the reality and functioning, and I wonder what is going to happen if it becomes 100%. So I have a fear of dropping out from the reality or disappearing, but I think it’s based on misunderstanding, that I don’t know what’s really going to happen from here to the place that you’re encouraging me to go.

John: It’s similar to disappearing. What occurs is replacement. What you are accustomed to in your self will be replaced by what is like your being.
Compared to your self and from the perspective of familiarity, it is all profoundly unusual. In the same way, a caterpillar enters the chrysalis and, when it comes out it, is no longer a caterpillar. It no longer looks like one or functions like one. What emerges is a different form, a different function. The one replaces the other. In that way the caterpillar enters the chrysalis and disappears. The level of change that it can be compared to is the change that occurs when you die. What was is gone. What remains is all different. The real surrender isn’t in the first 95%. It’s in the last 5. In the first 95, tomorrow remains. In the last 5, the illusion of certainty passes away.

Q: I feel there is many things that happen from here to there, many beautiful things.

John: Resistance no longer exists. All plans no longer belong to the caterpillar. What the caterpillar plans is altogether different from the caterpillar. A vision can take you through your life to the end of your life and there the vision ends. The vision wasn’t needed. A vision can take you to the door, to the door of your own being. But in your real entrance to your own being, the vision ends. The vision wasn’t needed to get you there and it’s not needed in your entrance. What gets you to the door and through is your disappearance into what you know. Then there is no difference between awareness and knowing. What you are after you’ve died is realized as your continuity as you live.

A Beingful Life Instead of a Meaningful Lifestyle

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Q: I spend most of my days doing things I enjoy, but I’ve noticed since I’ve moved to New York, my stress levels are increasing and I feel very much caught up by life. I’m wondering if there’s a way that I can continue to be active all day and remain in my being and be able to expand within the activities, as opposed to meditating or do I need to sacrifice the lifestyle I lead and take a step back and just rest?

John: You don’t necessarily need to sacrifice that lifestyle, but you do need to change what that lifestyle means to you. Your relationship to it needs to change. Your being is not in service to any kind of lifestyle and your lifestyle needs to be in service to your being. Your lifestyle needs to be a field of realization and not lost to personal pursuit.

With every lifestyle are the ideas that serve that lifestyle. There are ideas that move different lifestyles. Those ideas can’t be what move you. What moves you needs to be what you know the truth of, and what you know the truth of first has nothing with do with a lifestyle.

Q: I’m curious about what a lifestyle looks like that serves the being. I enjoy taking photographs but that’s for personal pleasure. I can’t see how that can relate to nourishing the being.

John: It is an environment and a practice through which your being can manifest. Your point of view needs to come from what is different than the self you’re used to. Your point of view in what you do needs to come from what is greater than your self. For that you need an overall perspective that is of what your being is like and includes all of the possibilities of your self, and you need to hold that perspective in the midst of your self. Then you are guiding your self and moving your self not by what fulfills your self, but by the more that you know, within, than what your self is.

Q: It’s not so much what I’m doing. It’s why I’m doing it. So often I’m doing things for the ego, not so much my being and maybe if I’m pushing things for the wrong reason, and it’s not satisfying.

John: Yes, if you do what you do for your ego, you are practicing getting lost. Then it’s only a matter of time and you will be really lost.

Q: I’m wondering if one can practice art not for the ego.

John: Everything in an existence isn’t for the ego. When you do something for ego, you exploit everything in you and around you.

Q: What’s the other option?

John: Doing everything for what you know in your heart.

Q: Then I’ll have to make drastic changes. If I start working or functioning from the heart, I don’t know if I can make a living out of it, for example.

John: You need to come from your heart more than you need to make a living.

Q: I’ve got massive rent and bills to pay.

John: That’s because of your lifestyle. You don’t need to have a certain lifestyle. You need to be in your heart more than having any kind of lifestyle, or your choice of lifestyle will keep you from being in your heart.

Q: How can I maintain that lifestyle whilst being in the heart? Maybe it’s me being greedy, wanting everything. I like to make money. I like to spend money. I like to enjoy traveling and being free to do the things I want. To be more in the heart may mean I’m going to have to sacrifice all that, which is not much of a loss maybe. (laughter). I’m not sure which way to turn.

John: Whatever your lifestyle is, it needs to serve your realization of profound meaning. If your lifestyle forbids that, then change your lifestyle.

Profound meaning matters more than personal satisfaction. Without meaning, there’s no meaning at all to the personal. Live for what everything is dependent on. Live for what personal satisfaction is dependent on. It’s dependent on meaning. If you live for personal satisfaction, you’ll be exploiting everything that you’re dependent on, for the sake of what is personal.

It’s like using the personal to collect meaning. The more that you can collect, the more fulfilled your feelings. But that doesn’t have much value if what you are being isn’t more than all that you’re collecting.

The reason that you comprehend satisfaction on the level of the personal is because you comprehend meaning and you’re attracted to the personal level of meaning. You have that because what you really are is meaning, not personal meaning, not even meaningfulness. What you are is meaning. When meaning moves, there isn’t personal satisfaction. When meaning moves, there is love.

Q: That seems so elusive for me.

John: That’s because what you’re accustomed to is what you can hold, what you can hold with the abilities that you have in your self, is completely dependent on the beingness of meaning. Without beingness you couldn’t like something. Without beingness you couldn’t comprehend pleasure.

Q: Which kind of pleasure?

John: Any.

Q: When I pursue physical pleasure it takes me away from the being.

John: Yes, what enables you to experience physical pleasure is that you have a being and your being supports the life of your body. You can separate from your own being and your being continues its support, even though you may use your body for something that has nothing to do with your own being. Without the presence of your own being, every pleasure would be terribly empty. If you would be completely separate from your being and from the influences of your own being and the support of your own being, pleasure would have no meaning.

Q: Are you saying it’s okay to pursue temporary pleasures for the being?

John: In the realization of your being, yes. Then you are coming from and responding to what essentially enables pleasure, instead of exploiting pleasure just because it’s available.

There are deeper levels to every kind of pleasure. That means that you’re able to be within pleasure from within the deeper levels of you. When you exist just simply on the surface, pleasure comes down to physical gratification. It comes down to you fulfilling an appetite that you have in your body. That appetite isn’t there for you to live for, but to live for what enables that appetite, enabling you to realize its deeper purpose.

When you begin to respond to the deeper purpose of having appetite, you’ll be realizing what you actually come from. In moving as what you actually come from, you’ll be manifesting something of your own being within an appetite, which doesn’t direct you to the coarseness of that pleasure, the coarseness of that appetite, but to the subtleties of being that you awaken to in the midst of that appetite. When you respond to those subtleties, you can’t be overtaken by the appetite; the appetite can’t have you any more. You can’t live for those appetites. When you respond to subtleties of meaning, you’re responding to being mastered by what isn’t obvious.

Q: I’m having some difficulties getting to those subtleties. When it comes to food, for example, I want to grab it, eat it, stuff my face, knowing that it’s not satisfying, it’s not necessary. Even though I know that, I don’t feel enough nourishment from the subtleties to override that.

John: Then belong to what you know in your heart instead of you belonging to what you can have. You belonging to what you know in your heart, instead of you belonging to want and need.

The great potential of your self cannot be realized within your appetites. When you exist within your appetites, your self will be kept really small. For your self to open to what is beyond that confining smallness, you need to open beyond any of your appetites.

You won’t be filling your life with the satisfaction of appetites. You’ll be filling your life with the care of subtlety. As soon as you know a difference, a difference of being in the midst of something, you’ll be that difference, instead of knowing the difference, forgoing what that difference is, and satisfying an appetite.

Q: That would mean changing the way I live in order to feel those subtleties.

John: Yes. If you can’t be in that in the midst of your kind of lifestyle, then leave that lifestyle. Don’t live being loyal to any kind of lifestyle. The deepest that you are able to be loyal to is what you are. What you are is meaning, meaning so profound that you cannot find that level of meaning within an appetite. Instead of being loyal to your appetites and to a particular lifestyle, a particular level of satisfaction, be loyal to meaning. When you open to that, you may quickly realize that what you are being and how you’re living is upside down.

Q: It’s upside down because it doesn’t nourish, but when I spent years meditating and being focused on my being, I was frustrated so I’m kind of scared to go back there again. At least this way I have approval from family, from society. The other way I’m just being kicked left, right and center for living this lifestyle focused on being.

John: If it didn’t satisfy you in a profound way, then you did it for your self.

Q: Each time I tasted the being, I liked to keep it and use it.

John: Instead of keeping it and using it for your self, completely surrender to be that beingness that you’ve realized and come into. Be what you know that is, in the midst of all of your self, without the fulfillment of that in how you experience it in your self distracting you. When you are meaning-oriented, you won’t be result-oriented, and in everything that you are being and doing you’ll be fulfilling deepest meaning. You’ll be what you first are moving through all of your forms.

Your ease of life and all of the opportunity that you have to pursue pleasure and to satisfy what is personal is possible because of technology. If what technology is dependent on shifts or changes, it won’t be available to you any more. It won’t be supplying to you everything that it has brought to you, and the bubble of life as we have known it won’t be there anymore. Exist within the opportunity that technology brings, but for what meaning is.

Q: What it seems I really want is immediate satisfaction, and meaning seems so difficult and far away. (Connection) I guess it’s so far because I pursue meaning for personal satisfaction and not the sake of meaning. To pursue meaning for the sake of meaning is like ‘what’s in it for me?’

John: For the self that you’re used to, nothing.

Q: That self that I’m used to is very greedy. It seems a lot more selfless to move in that direction, and sacrifice.

John: It isn’t really selflessness. It’s beingful, full of your being, filled by your being, instead of you being filled by your ability to have for your self. If your self were filled with your being, your self would turn into what your being is like. That’s what your self is for, but that can’t occur without you belonging to what your being is like, in the midst of the kind of self you have. For you to be meaningful is for you to be beingful.

Instead of exploiting meaning where you can because of the powers that you have in your self, you’ll be manifesting meaning, you’ll be producing meaning. What matters after you have died is not how much meaning you have consumed, but how much meaning you have manifested in your life, how much you have manifested what you really are in your life.

Q: Can I just choose to do it and fill my self, fill my being with this meaning?

John: Yes.

Q: Why didn’t I choose it?

John: Because consuming meaning gave you instant results and, while it gives you instant results, it depletes you of deeper meaning.

Q: When I’ve had opportunities to really let go, I’ve stopped when it’s something beyond my control. I’ve been using and meaning, I guess partly out of fear from fully allowing the meaning to consume me.

John: Yes, when you are completely taken over by meaning, you are meaning, meaning that has a self, a self that isn’t like you yet, and it is an entire level of form that’s yours. You’re able to manifest meaning in all of that form. The more you manifest what you are on the level of your self, the more that your self is and functions like you. On the level of your self that is experienced as constant goodness-change. When you’re being what you really are in your self, your self never stops changing. It keeps turning into what you’re being in it.

Being a Reachable, Visible, Touchable Heart

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Q: Hi, John. I’m home, but how do I stay this when I’m not here? What best serves me?

John: By not using your person or even your self for your being there. In your life your being a person separates you from your self, and your being a self separates you from your heart. When you’re being a person you are immoveable. When you’re being a self you are moveable but not easily touchable. When you are being your heart you are all touchable. When you’re being your heart you have lost your control. Without your control you are really there.

The real value of your being what a heart is your being that in your self, being in your self without your compromising this. That makes your entire interior, all of your self, vulnerable to your really touchable heart. Your being this within all of your self will be a loss of control, and with all of that beautiful loss of control your heart will be free in all of your self, and your heart will be bigger than your self. To fully step up your being in the touchable-ness of your heart is for you to be this not just in your self, but for you to be this visible, available, reachable in all of your person.

Where your loss of control meets your heart, through all of your self, with its face meeting everything, that puts your really being here way out-there, with your only guidance and stability being the tiny little bit within that you know the truth of, and it is by that that you answer everything. In your being really here, your only real connection is the tiny little bit within. It is only really that tiny little bit, it is only the exquisite, within, that you have to offer anyone.

That is how you can be this, way-out-there. Being this way out there will have your relationship with your self and your person and, how it has been, gone. In your experience, that would be like being a bird with the loss of all of your feathers, but perhaps one. One left over to remind you of all you used to have that you don’t need any more.

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